I live in Los Angeles, which seems to magically attract the most beautiful people in the world, even those who are not directly related to the entertainment industry. Because of this, many of my female friends have been downright drop-dead gorgeous.
With drop-dead gorgeous seems to come an excessive number of neuroses - unique in flavor from that of the average woman. At best, the drop-dead gorgeous woman often walks around blithely, absolutely unaware of the perks and benefits she receives due to her looks.
Such women represent an extreme, but in dealing with some of these gorgeous, oblivious women recently, it started to hit me: Young women are absolutely unprepared to deal with the consequences of becoming an older woman.
Let me explain. Aging, in and of itself, is hard for anyone. It's hard for men and women. Much is talked about the male mid-life crisis. Oh, he'll go out and buy a new car or date a 22-year-old. But women don't get a mid-life crisis. We don't get a period where we are somehow invited to act immaturely for a few years while we grapple with old age. All we get is menopause.
And we're told we're bitter. I can see why.
I've been observing one of my gorgeous friends lately. She is a sweet girl, by the absolute standard of "sweet girl" paradigms. Fresh-faced, 28, and Hawaiian, she should be a model for Hawaiian Airlines. She's astonishingly beautiful.
And yet, she's completely full of herself. She doesn't seem to get that guys swarm after her like flies due to her exotic beauty. She states, quite innocently, that every man she dates is madly in love with her, and that she's the first woman they've ever loved, even though these guys are often in their mid-30s by the time she walked into their lives.
She expects men to treat her very well, since she's used to being spoiled by previous boyfriends in awe of her beauty, I can imagine.
This is not to say she's stupid, or mean, or has a rotten personality. She's actually smart and nice and a good person.
But I feel she's headed for a very rude awakening once she gets older and she loses her youthful beauty. If she's lucky, she'll find the right guy before that happens, who will love and cherish her for the rest of her life. But what if she doesn't? What if she finds a guy who divorces her at 48, and leaves her out on the dating scene with dating skills she acquired 20 years previous as the beautiful young thing?
I myself have already noticed that men treat me a little differently now that I'm in my thirties. I was blessed with good genes, and I can pass for twenty-something. Yet, I notice that some men do look at me differently once they find out my real age (36). Why am I still alone? Am I desperate? Is my clock ticking?
When I was in my twenties, I remember having nothing but contempt for the single women I knew in their thirties. I thought something was wrong with them when I saw them going out with 25-year-old guys. I was, like many women I know, very judgmental of them, calling them has-beens and losers.
Little did I know that in my thirties I would still be single, and often dating guys ten years younger than me, not because I'm a loser, but because those guys are the ones who seem to be available!
Now that I am older and wiser, I realize that young women are in complete denial about the future ahead of them. Buoyed by youth and arrogance, they think the party won't stop. Or, they think Prince Charming will come and save them before they age past their prime.
For some women, home and family do become havens, and these women don't have to worry about being older and in the dating pool. Maybe they worry about wrinkles, but they are satisfied and secure.
Many other women, however, grow up, believe they've found their life, and end up divorced. I recently read an article a woman posted online, about how she was in her forties, divorcing, and completely lost. She didn't know how to support herself. She had no other life than her husband. She was completely depressed and alone. She had no marketable job skills. What would she do?
Some women, faced in that situation, finally find themselves and become happy for the first time in their lives. Released from the shackles of having to please men, many older woman find their true beauty. It's inspiring and amazing to watch.
Still, other women - and I daresay the ones who were the prettiest when they were younger have the hardest time - can't get past it. The mother of a friend of mine, previously married to a rich man who dumped her for another woman, never got over it. She gained over 200 pounds, and lived off the proceeds of the divorce until the money was gone. She never got remarried, never got a job, and now lives with my friend and off my friend. She's seriously depressed and utterly useless.
How many women end up like her, because they weren't prepared for the realities of being an older woman in our culture?
I am not sure I have an answer to this, but one idea would be to find a way for women to start sharing their wisdom more across generations. Young women for whatever reason aren't finding older women to have as role models. The media is a lot to blame, but what are we doing in our individual communities?
Regardless, the peak of a woman's life should not be when she's 28 and beautiful. It should be later, as a fully mature woman, with the wisdom and history of years behind her.
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