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With so many divorces and break ups going on, we have a real challenge keeping our outlook positive as this economy sours. I want to help everyone stay together whenever possible.

As a christian I don't believe that anyone should get away with abusing anyone and thus agree that when pastors and elders minimize abuse and look the other way, they directly disobey scriptures that speak of confronting sin, of the man's duty to love his wife as Christ loved the church and laid down His life for her, etc. Many non believers do not know that the bible, which is the standard for the christian, instructs that someone who is choosing to continue in willful sin, a category an unrepentant wife beater would definitely fall into, is to be confronted and if he does not deal with issue in an upright way, confront him with witnesses and if he still doesn't repent, he is to be publicly disfellowshipped until such a time as he repents. Part of our problem in our churches today is not treating God's word as if it is to be obeyed and not merely debated and preached. Scripture also upholds the rule of law which means its not wrong to charge someone guilty of unrepentant lawlessness. Christians are also to defend the defenseless.

However, I feel your comments about Dr. James Dobson are inaccurate. I have a copy of the book you mention and just finished reading it yesterday, and Dr. Dobson goes to some lengths to emphasize that in the majority of domestic abuse cases, the woman did nothing to create or invite the abuse and its the guy who has a serious problem. He further emphasizes that it is not okay and that there is no excuse for it whatsoever. He then, and only then, goes on to say that some women do intentionally provoke abuse and then use it to prove to all what a cad her husband is, as a form of revenge. Two wrongs do not make a right. Such a person would be attempting to reenact childhood abuse in an attempt to seek justice and healing, albeit in a really unhealthy way. Hasn't anyone ever heard of repetition compulsion? Trauma re enactment? Of the payoff of victimhood? Yes, there is a payoff of some sort to even the most dyfunctional arrangement and part of becoming whole is facing that too.

It is not only possible to choose a partner who will allow us to relive the ugly pain and drama from our pasts, but it is also possible, if one is detmermined, to draw someone else into cooperating with a dysufnctional agenda. Each is still responsible for their own actions and no one is excused from wrong actions, but the fact this, this dynamic does exist in some cases. thanks for considering my persepctive.

Fight the real enemy sister.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Y7Ruan6xOI&feature=related

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