The Faithful have long been more female than male. In kinder previous times, this was explained by male churchmen as being evidence of woman's more religious nature. They also said things like: woman is more acquainted with the realities of life, birth, and death, so she knows more of the need for God. And, woman is a more sensitive being.
But I wonder if there may be a more down-to-earth reason why women outnumber men in church. The clergy and leadership positions of the church have been pretty much exclusively male for many hundreds of years. The leader of each congregation is an exemplary male who stands before his parishioners each week providing guidance, instruction, and aid. He is a father to them, but not their father. He is gentle and caring, clean shaven, and directorial.
Women growing up in a male dominated society have many wrong impressions about men. They tend to idealize their potential adult relationships with men. And, as a result, they are frequently disappointed and confused by the reality that confronts them when they find themselves in a permanent marriage relationship with their own man. He isn't all those things they hoped he'd be, thought he'd be. Their illusions have been severely damaged.
But on Sundays--here is a man who looks and sounds like the man they thought they could have. They can vicariously take part in a relationship with this man each time they sit in the obedient intimacy of a religious service.
I suggest that the reason, one reason at least, why there are more women than men in any church service is that many women are sexually frustrated and profoundly disappointed with the man in their lives. They come to church, at least in part, to be with a man they can idealize, one who never looks shabby and unshaven, who appears to be forceful, not weak, who smells good and is never dirty or sloppy.
He listens to them and responds to their questions. He cares when they have fears, worries, sorrow, and pain. A sex symbol of the most innocent kind, he can be safely admired from a distance.
They can return each week to reassure themselves about their own basic worth because this man values them for loftier purposes than dark fumbling encounters, hastily eaten meals, and clean clothes thoughtlessly crumpled, or worn and tossed on the floor. They are quality creatures to him--as they had ever been taught they were before marriage negated and shattered those images of themselves in their own minds. The male Domini binds up the self-images of the women in his flock by his simply being there before them each service.
Women who grow up in a society that praises and adores them for chaste obedience find a way to gain comfortable approval from their pastors by chaste obedience, as they gained it from their own fathers--but can gain it no more from them (marriage being the obvious proof of the end of their original chastity and obedience).
Obeying the husband is entangled with many dangers and conflicts that are not present when obeying the pastor. So women find at church a man who answers many needs and fills many empty places in their lives.
But, the cowards who complain that it's a "feminizing the church" problem when there are more women than men in church, not only haven't a clue about women, but trivialize and trash the longings that bring many of them there.
When we allow women equal access to all types of ministry in the church, then maybe some of the adulation toward the pastor will be neutralized as women see "someone like me" before them and are raised up to share an experience rather than idealize a person.
Meanwhile, vote with your feet and your monetary contributions. Scapegoating billy goat preachers don't deserve to have you in their congregations. Go where your presence will be appreciated and treasured.
(Excerpted and adapted from Chapter 35: Why There Are More Women Than Men In Church On Sunday, in my work in progress)
You go girl! Once again, you've nailed deep seated issues within the church dead on with insight that few would dare to think of, let alone say.
In this environment of increasingly hostile, venomous right wing politics and media exposure it seems less and less people are willing to disagree with ridiculous statements when they are delivered with enough conviction. Thank you for daring to challenge.
Posted by: Ann Teliczan | July 21, 2006 at 08:16 PM