Systematic Teaology

When you have an interview with a prospective boss, you want to make a good impression, a REALLY good impression. So you stress over the details: do my shoes match my skirt? Is my hair neat and tidy? Is the necklace too dramatic? 

When you are looking for a job in a religious sector, you have a whole new level of things to worry about. Is your v-neck top too low-cut? Does that rainbow scarf send an unintended message? If asked about what kind of books you are reading, should you bring up Harry Potter series, or should you stick to something neutral and inoffensive – let’s say, Wayne Grudem’s Systematic Theology?

You meet with your prospective boss, and you go to Starbucks. You are in line,  he’s next to you, and you just KNOW he’s watching you. Should you get a coffee or a tea? Privately, you decide on a tea, lest you are thought of as a caffeine junkie. But what kind? If you get “calm” (that’s chamomile in starbucksese), will he assume you are anxious? If you take “awake”, will he think you are sleepy and struggling to stay awake throughout the interview? If you get “refresh”, will he hazard a guess that you are overtired and under-rested? If you take “zen”, will he assume that you are unduly interested in other religions and philosophies? You are just about ready to get a “Tazo Chai” tea, but you wonder if that’ll serve as a cue to start a conversation about Indian culture, of which you know next to nothing. Besides, it tastes like tap water infused with paprika and stale cinnamon, and throwing up on your prospective boss during an interview may not be the most savvy thing to do.

The barista/cashier looks at you with a cheerful smile, unaware that this is the moment that will surely decide the rest of your life. “And for you, dear?” Suddenly, there’s a flash of inspiration. You remember the one option that’s totally safe and inoffensive. “Earl Grey tea. Grande. Please.”

You receive your tea, pay a whopping $1.66 for hot tap water and grass rolled in paper, and you make your way to a little table. As you walk, you realize that your boss is regarding you with a strange curiosity. Mostly, he’s focused on your tea.

You return his gaze confidently (“you’ve got NOTHING on me!”) and sit down. He smiles at you and says, “So…you like Star Trek? Captain Picard?”

Goddamit.

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Copyright © 2005 Galina Freed. All rights reserved. This story is entirely fictional. Galina’s boss in religious sector is completely fair and reasonable, and Starbucks teas are her favorite.

 

Comments

[TL]

I was right with you til you said "G-ddammit". :)

You, we, us - we should post some Star Trekkie Christmas musings, eh.

[Pat]

Giggle :) Been there, done that, just not at Starbucks. I think also, that writers are always editing and rewriting their thoughts, and their speech.

[Ms Marvelous]

i think if you had a sachet of teaology he would have been, "what's that?" and you could have hipped him to a new way of making tea---haha, check it out-- http://www.teaology.com